What Do Chinese Men Want in a Woman?

Interestingly, even though younger Chinese adults appear to want to emulate patterns of behavior associated with more westernized beliefs about dating, they also seem to adhere to long-standing cultural expectations. For example, significant percentages of females and males expressed opposition to kissing and having sex on a first date.

They also value fidelity and the ability to support their families.

1. They are loyal.

While much research has examined dating and mate selection patterns among young Western adults, less is known about the dating behaviors and mate preferences of Chinese youth. Nonetheless, these patterns do offer some insight into the broader cultural context of contemporary China.

Chinese women seem to prefer men who demonstrate commitment and loyalty, especially in relation to their families. They also place a higher priority on pragmatic qualities, such as the ability to provide financial security.

In addition, many Chinese women view foreign men as embodiments of romantic ideals of femininity and romance. The’straying’ nature of white Western husbands residing in China is frequently portrayed in popular films and television dramas. For example, the ‘little third’ (xiaosan) in the popular Shanghai TV series Dwelling Narrowness is an irresistible homewrecker who lures her rich, married boss into a disastrous long-term affair.

2. They are beautiful.

Chinese men and women tend to have different priorities when it comes to relationships. For example, men value beauty over intelligence, while women prefer to find someone who can make them laugh. This is partly because of the cultural differences that shape a person’s values and perceptions. For instance, in the reform era, masculinity became linked to financial success and femininity was defined by domesticity and’softness’.

This has led to the development of a practice called shengnu, or ‘leftover woman’, a pejorative term for unmarried Chinese women who are between 28 and 35 years old. Many of them engage in sajiao, a behavior where they coo in baby voices and bat their eyelashes at prospective husbands. These behaviors are based on the assumption that women should be subordinate to their male partners. However, this does not always work out in practice.

3. They are intelligent.

The regression models for females showed that a higher self-esteem is associated with a greater willingness to kiss and have sex on a first date. This may be because women with higher self-esteem are less likely to be controlled by their parents.

In keeping with long-standing gender stereotypes, females are also found to have a preference for pragmatic qualities in their future spousal partner. This contrasts with males’ greater desire for a sexy appearance.

Chinese women are known to engage in sajiao behavior, where they coo in baby voices and bat their eyelashes, as part of their dating and courtship scripts. This practice is often perceived as demeaning by western men. Lehmann notes that her interviews with western women living in Xiamen indicate they felt their relationships with white men reinforced the notion of male-dominated domestic roles, and were not progressive.

4. They are humble.

Chinese women may be attracted to foreign men as a means of enhancing their economic status. However, the complexities of romance and marriage between a Chinese woman and a foreign man create a host of difficult dilemmas. Farrer and Dale report that leftover women who marry white men in Xiamen often realize that they are entering a culture with little moral restraint when it comes to intimate relations.

Similarly, Lehmann found that western expatriates in Xiamen perceive themselves as ‘trailing spouses’, and the stereotyped notions of Chinese femininity reinforced by such portrayals are a major source of stress for them. The results from the multivariate models also yield several interesting associations. The most noteworthy is that the desire for pragmatic qualities in a partner yields a significant positive association with wanting to date frequently among Chinese women. Caring qualities, on the other hand, do not yield a significant association with this same behavior in Chinese men.

5. They are frugally-minded.

The economic changes in China have changed the dynamics of relationships and created a new sense of what it means to be a man or woman. Masculinity now entails financial success and femininity now equates with domesticity, softness, and youthful appearance.

This shift toward individualism has altered the traditional collectivist nature of Chinese society in some significant ways. It is also changing expectations regarding dating and marriage.

For example, anthropologist Phiona Stanley observed that North American and UK heterosexual men teaching English in Shanghai become’superheroes’ for young Chinese women who idealize them as possessing romantic and sexual skills lacking in their local husbands. However, she also found that they suffocate their partners with demands for erotic intimacy and over-sexualizing. Moreover, pro-natalist attitudes yield a negative association with wanting to date often. Caring qualities, on the other hand, yield a positive association.

6. They are kind.

Many Chinese men consider themselves responsible in terms of finances, household chores, and family. For them, it’s important to show their family love and respect. They also consider themselves romantic, even if they aren’t always sending flowers, chocolates, or going on date nights. Rather, they prefer showing their affection through actions that are more long-term.

In China, there is a term for unmarried men over 30 who cannot find a wife: shengnu. As a result, some shengnu women seek foreign men in the hope of finding a husband or having children. However, these relationships can be problematic. According to anthropologists, these women may be idealizing western men’s romantic and sexual skills while also embracing Orientalist fantasies of male-dominated partnership (Farrer 2010; 2012). They also risk engaging in polyamory when they marry a foreign man who keeps a mistress or more.

7. They are loyal.

Chinese men are very loyal and will do their best to keep you happy and protected. They will always be there to support you, whether it is emotionally or financially. They are also very loving, and will make you feel like they care about you.

Research on leftover women have found that they prefer a more pragmatic partner, such as a man who is more highly educated, well-employed and successful. They value family life, and would love to have children with their partner in the future.

Generally, they want someone who will be faithful and reliable, as this is considered the most important part of a relationship. Many of them are reluctant to kiss or have sex on the first date. It is important to talk about this with your Chinese partner so that you have clear expectations of each other.

8. They are independent.

In spite of the cultural pressures to conform to traditional dating and mate selection behaviors, young Chinese men and women do exhibit some more progressive attitudes and behaviors. For example, regression models indicate that females who do not have a high level of parental approval for their dating behavior are more likely to kiss and have sex on a first date. Similarly, women who want more pragmatic qualities in their mate appear to be more likely to date more frequently.

These dynamics may contribute to a new type of intercultural marriage: one in which Chinese women seek western men who ‘explicitly embody Western ideas of romance and sexual skills’ (Lehmann 2014). Nevertheless, as the ‘leftover women’ who endure the sexist stereotypes in Chinese popular culture and those who are divorced or widowed find themselves more able to secure long-term relationships with privileged white men, they still face some significant challenges in navigating their relationship with these partners.

9. They are good cooks.

Chinese women are known for being excellent cooks. They also tend to be very hygienic and take pride in their appearance. They love to eat healthy and want their partners to share the same values. It’s important for her to know that you are a good cook and can keep up with her in the kitchen.

Unmarried women in China are often referred to as shengnu or “leftover women”. This term is used to describe single women of a certain age who have not found a husband and are considered to be past their prime. According to Lehmann, shengnu are labeled with progressively pejorative terms as their age increases: women who remain unmarried at 28 are ‘leftover fighters’; those who stay single at 32 are ‘leftover forever’ and those at 35 and older are ‘leftover queens’.

10. They are good listeners.

Chinese men prefer women who are good listeners. This makes sense because they believe that listening is the first step in establishing trust and creating intimacy. In addition, they want someone who can make them laugh.

While some ‘leftover women’ may find western men irresistible, this is certainly not true of all women in China. In fact, some ‘leftover women’ are not interested in marrying a western man at all. In fact, they would rather have a series of short-term sexual affairs with different men than settle down with one Chinese man.

Moreover, interviews with leftover women in Shanghai and Hong Kong found that their relationships with foreign men are often fraught with exploitation. Indeed, Lehmann’s interviewees in Xiamen complained that their relationships with white men reinforced the notion of male dominance and authority over females (Lehmann 2014). The regression models also show that a woman’s pro-natalist attitudes are associated with her being less willing to kiss and have sex on a first date.